Struggling To Let Go
by MaybeTomorrowI'llFly
Summary: Harry can't forget. He sees Sirius falling through the veil over and over again. When he loses control one night, Snape offers words a few words of much needed advice.


_Hey! This is my first Harry Potter story although I've been obsessed since I was 7. The idea just wouldn't leave me alone. Please review and please be kind._

_This takes place sometime after Sirius' death. The first part is in Potions class and the second in the corridors of Hogwarts._

"Harry, are you sure you're up for this?" Hermione asked her eyes full of concern.

Ron, Harry, and Hermione were on their way to the dungeons for Potions class. It was the last class of the day and of the term. Tomorrow at this time, the three friends would be on the Hogwarts Express.

"Yeah, mate, you look terrible." Ron said, he had the same look Hermione did.

"I'm okay, just a little tired." This wasn't entirely a lie. He hadn't been sleeping much. When sleep finally did come, Harry's dreams were plagued with watching Sirius fall through the veil.

Over and over again.

"Well, if you're sure…"

The dungeon door opened and Snape quickly beckoned them all inside. He was wearing his usual attire of all black and had the same angry expression he always did.

The trio sat down in their regular seat-all the way in the back.

"Although today is the last day of term, I expect full effort and cooperation from each and every one of you." Snape said silkily, his eyes falling on Harry.

Harry sighed, avoiding his potion master's gaze. He had just been released from the hospital wing two days ago, Ron and Hermione had been released this morning. Even though he had plenty of time to rest, he still felt weak and tried from the incident at the Ministry.

"Potter!" Snape growled suddenly. He had been droning on about some potion they were supposed to be making.

Harry quickly looked up.

"Is this not exciting enough for you? Or do we just not deserve your attention?" Snape asked icily.

Harry felt his pale cheeks instantly turn red.

"Pay attention." With that, Snape wrote a few directions on the board.

"Harry, you need to start your potion." Hermione said, gesturing to the board. "You should really go to the hospital wing." She added in an undertone.

He shook his head and began pulling ingredients from his bag.

Ron and Hermione exchanged worried glances before turning back to their potions.

Harry unconsciously pulled random things out of his bag, hoping that they were the right ingredients. He didn't need to give Snape a reason to humiliate him in front of the whole class.

He poured a few newt eyes into his cauldron, as well a dragon heartstring. The potion began to boil and turned a nasty shade of green. The directions stated the potion was supposed to be brown.

"You're supposed to stir counterclockwise, Ron!" Hermione said in agony as she watched Ron stir his potion improperly.

"I am not! It says right here to stir counterclockwise."

"Ron, if you just listen-"

Harry looked down at his mess of a potion and sighed. This was a waste of his time; he just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to mourn Sirius' death. He certainly didn't need to be constantly ridiculed by Snape-not after what happened at the Ministry.

"Zero for today, Potter." Snape barked, his robes billowing behind him.

Ron snorted loudly. "The git won't even give us a break on the last day." He didn't bother to keep his voice down.

Hermione gave Ron a disbelieving look before turning back to her perfectly brewed potion.

Harry sighed yet again as a dull pain began to form in his head.

XxX

It was well past midnight, but Harry couldn't sleep. Every time he dared to close his eyes, Sirius's face appeared. He was falling through the veil, falling out of Harry's life. A tear trickled down the teenager's face.

Harry silently got out of bed, he wouldn't risk being in his dormitory now-not after the tears started coming. He pulled out his invisibility cloak and walked out of the room, just as a sob escaped his lips.

He hurried out of Gryffindor Tower and into the empty hallways. He didn't know exactly where he was going. He just needed to get away-from everything.

No one understood his pain; they didn't know what he was going through. Sirius was dead. He was the only person Harry had left. The only adult left to care about him.

Now he was gone.

Harry let out a frustrated yell and punched the wall forcefully. More tears erupted out of his eyes and quickly trickled down his face. His fist found its way to the wall again, drawing more blood from his knuckles.

He suddenly froze. He could have sworn he heard distant footsteps-heading in his direction. He instantly broke into a run, tears still streaming down his face.

Then he felt something hard. Harry looked up in horror to find Snape looking down at him.

The professor looked directly at Harry, confused. But before he could react, Filch came wheezing down the hallway.

"Professor, Professor! Students in the hallways, I heard students in the hallways!" The caretaker said excitedly.

"I heard nothing of the sort, Filch." Snape said icily.

"But-"

"Goodnight, Filch."

Harry looked up at Snape in surprise. The teacher knew he was there, why didn't he tell Filch? He watched the caretaker strut away.

"Potter." Snape's voice was cold and icy.

He remained as still as possible. Maybe Snape would just walk away now, maybe he would forget what he had heard and felt.

The potions master continued to gaze lazily in Harry's direction. "Screaming and yelling will not make him come back."

Harry felt more tears cascade down his cheeks. No one had mentioned Sirius since his death, the word "he" seemed to trigger more pain. Before he could stop himself, a sob echoed through the corridors.

Snape didn't look mildly surprised. He didn't even bother to acknowledge the sound that had surely proved Harry was standing there.

"In the future, keep your voice down while… grieving." His voice lacked its usual dangerous tone.

The Gryffindor looked down at the floor in embarrassment. Of all the people he could have run into, it had to have been Snape. The man who hated him was offering words of advice.

"Essence of Murlap should help your knuckles, Potter. I would not suggest injuring yourself any further, however." He continued lazily.

Harry quickly looked up at his professor in surprise. Had he really been that loud?

Snape was silent for a moment. His black eyes bored right through the invisibility cloak and into Harry's green eyes.

"Get back to your dormitory." He said quietly.

The student slowly began to walk past Snape and before he could stop himself uttered a quiet "Thank you."

The teacher stiffly nodded and headed in the direction of his office.

Harry walked silently through the halls of Hogwarts. For some reason, he felt considerably better, as if a burden had been lifted off his shoulders. He found his way to his four-poster bed and collapsed.

For once, a dreamless sleep fell over the boy.

_Did ya like it? It took me forever to write, so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! _

_Thanks for reading!_


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